Without A Paddle Steven Brill
Published Aug 01, 2004As a tribute to their dead friend, three life-long buddies go on a camping trip in search of a lost treasure their deceased colleague tracked down, one they were meant to discover on a trip down the rapids of Oregon. Since when does a PG-13 movie pay homage to Deliverance?, a movie whose claim to fame is the anal rape of Ned Beatty. That's like acting out the slaughter of the Native Americans for a second grade Thanksgiving play.
Here, Ned Beatty is played by Seth Green and the hillbilly by a bear. During the movie, the trio are run down by psychopathic marijuana farmers who get their whole crops burned because one idiot farmer puts a flare in the middle of the field, and the whole field burns to a crisp while looking like a napalm attack in Vietnam.
Along the way, the boys find Burt Reynolds, who looks like he was lost on the actual set of Deliverance and re-emerged 30 years later. There is a funny moment when the three guys are soaking wet and must cuddle together to the song "Bump And Grind" by R. Kelly under a giant rock to prevent pneumonia and hypothermia, but mostly it falls flat. A lot of it is the fault of Punk'd co-star Dax Shepard, who constantly puts his foot in his mouth by saying one-liners that couldn't force a giggle.
After about 60 jokes referring to vaginas as "downstairs" like it's the funniest substitution for a genital area ever, you finally get to the saccharine ending. It's sad but a ten-year-old could come up with more creative phrases. How about "mouldy basement"? And if you ever meet a girl with that nickname, run from her and run from this movie. (Paramount)