This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 18, 2020
December 11
This lil boy in church coughed and said "please lord I'm only 7" 😭😭😭😭.
— ᴍʀ ᴅɪᴇʟɪᴛ ʜɪᴍꜱᴇʟꜰ (@paperchasechris) December 12, 2020
J.K Rowling's worst fears come true pic.twitter.com/4VXrBBfBMX
— Shane (@MackenShane) December 11, 2020
how dare the girl i spent one day with in berlin 2 years ago unfollow me on instagram
— hanna (5'2) (@hannaemilyy) December 11, 2020
DA FUK https://t.co/43BVvFZPQb
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 11, 2020
December 12
Imagining a world where Henry Rollins never changed his name from Henry Garfield and Rollins Band was called Garfield Band
— pixelatedboat aka "mr christmas" (@pixelatedboat) December 12, 2020
Instagram wants me to cheat on my wife pic.twitter.com/T99QJjfgEy
— dylan gelula (@DylanGelula) December 13, 2020
you can reset your brain to factory settings by staring at the ocean for 45 mins
— cool Emma (@coolemma69) December 12, 2020
I am so honored to have won the R. L. Stine Creative Writing Award for the third year in a row. The award is given annually to an author named R. L. Stine. pic.twitter.com/T4vSjw18EM
— R.L. Stine (@RL_Stine) December 12, 2020
WRITER OF FROSTY: my song is about a magic snowman
— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) December 12, 2020
WRITER OF RUDOLPH: my song is about a magic reindeer
WRITER OF SANTA BABY: ok so you know how we all want to fuck santa
Once you see Cookie Monster, you can't unsee it. pic.twitter.com/WjypbMJ8Zf
— Mark Summers (@markysumm) December 12, 2020
December 13
brain: did we get anything done this weekend?
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) December 14, 2020
me: no
brain: ok then at least we relaxed
me: somehow also no
Literally everyone will get this https://t.co/TOCs2u95ss
— Father Abraham (@MrMarcus260) December 13, 2020
a curb just hit my car. y'all be careful out here
— . (@ilCaffeNero) December 13, 2020
It's a chemistree 🤣🤣🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/DEJuvNmSSJ
— Big Areola Stan (@Vanahol1c) December 13, 2020
pronouncing fettuccine like medicine
— elise navidad (@crocfanpage) December 13, 2020
our gift to you today is our fav tweet of 2020 pic.twitter.com/39lVj6NmLm
— HAIM (@HAIMtheband) December 13, 2020
December 14
I think he did it but I just can't prove it pic.twitter.com/pjPvfLqu4v
— lexi (furloughed popstar) (@lexishaye_) December 14, 2020
neighbors left this on the door.. im gonna bake them some cookies 😭 pic.twitter.com/SQ0BiF6yTW
— Make America Purrr Again (@KittyBeeJr) December 14, 2020
what if we made being alive easy have you ever considered that
— b (@nicetryofficer) December 15, 2020
No I can't , my sister thought she found a lost dog today so she rang the phone number on his collar and the owner was like yeah your outside my house 😭😭😭😂😂😂
— Ashley Morris (@Ashleymorris_xo) December 14, 2020
there's also a scene where The Flash says 'cock' in Oregon and 'sucker' in Maine https://t.co/ZIG4D0BUqu
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) December 15, 2020
December 15
The masses demanded it! We listened! Watch the Bongo Dance video now on YouTube!https://t.co/ENjDk33GPL pic.twitter.com/KzMfqrnszr
— Mint Records (@mintrecords) December 15, 2020
someone did a collab tiktok with a cat and it's perfect pic.twitter.com/8ckEIRo51y
— Rob N Roll (@thegallowboob) December 15, 2020
i still dont know why i said this https://t.co/zuCZMz4tC8
— Rich Brian (@richbrian) December 16, 2020
Good for them pic.twitter.com/99GE3aTzfI
— VENUS ENVY (@VenusEnvyDrag) December 15, 2020
I've never been brought back to Earth so fast. pic.twitter.com/p7g96UzNOL
— Mike Scollins (@mikescollins) December 15, 2020
My wife just confessed that for her entire childhood she thought Colonel Sanders' bow tie was his whole body and now I can't stop seeing a tiny stick body every time I look at him. pic.twitter.com/qVad6t93SA
— Freddie Campion (@FreddieCampion) December 16, 2020
December 16
the way you named your child after an iphone strong password https://t.co/9jckcPLQjE
— giabuchi lastrassi (@jaboukie) December 16, 2020
— place where cat shouldn't be (@catshouldnt) December 16, 2020
Me: i have a headache
— Uncle Jay💙 (@YRN_Jay15) December 16, 2020
WebMD: and it'll be your last
December 17"WhAt'S iN tHe VaCcInE" bitch you literally don't know what's in Tylenol shut up
— Justin Randall (@imjustinrandall) December 16, 2020
The vaccine is totally safe and effective but does have one small side effect pic.twitter.com/7BZYHB0z4s
— Slade (@Slade) December 17, 2020
The $600 stimulus check pic.twitter.com/dbCZCZREIX
— Joy Kudia (@kudya_not) December 17, 2020
i think about this every day pic.twitter.com/pNSUXrto1l
— Anthony Oliveira (@meakoopa) December 17, 2020
Pink Floyd joke live at Holy F*ck 2012 pic.twitter.com/3TC9Ep1O4G
— Chris Locke (@chrislockeworld) December 17, 2020
The deepest irony of this whole "I'm a Republican so I only respect doctors who are medical doctors," thing is that 300,000 Americans are dead because Republicans didn't respect medical doctors.
— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) December 17, 2020